NOTICE: This will be my last post for the month. I’m taking a brief blog break in June to devote more time to writing.
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The Purpose of IWSG is to share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds!
To join IWSG visit Ninja Captain Alex J. Cavanaugh here.
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Self-sabatoge is the result of deep-rooted thinking patterns that have been left unchecked. Often it means standing in our own way because deep down we don’t believe we deserve the good things in life.
Hartwig HKD/Flickrcc
In last month’s ISWG post, I discussed the importance of focusing on the aspects of your writing journey you can control. Recognizing negative patterns in both your thinking and your actions is the first step in taking charge—your first steps toward freedom. Let’s test your self-sabotage tendencies, shall we? Have you ever:
- Procrastinated?
- Missed a deadline?
- Held back out of fear or rejection?
- Tried to get by with a minimal effort?
- Quit something just as you were beginning to succeed?
- Found yourself trapped in a “temporary situation” that went on and on?
- Blamed someone else or “bad luck” when you failed?
- Felt uneasy about what you’re accomplishing in your life?
Each of these behaviors is emblematic of self-sabotage. Often it’s fear of change that brings out our inner saboteur. The scariest times may be when things are going great—so great that were outside our comfort zone. Don’t listen to that inner voice telling you to stay scared. Work through the discomfort, and soon that success will feel normal. How can you counteract Self-Sabotage?
- Don’t focus on what’s not working.
- Don’t let your fears trap you.
- Watch the self-criticism: be careful how you talk to yourself because someone is listening.
- Learn from your failures but remember to take pride in your accomplishments. You finished a chapter, wrote a query, submitted a short story? Well done, you!
- Never forget: you ARE entitled, and you ARE worthy. Be good to yourself.
- Understand your purpose. What do you want to contribute to the world? A kick-ass book, you say? Sounds awesome! Give the world a book. In fact, give back in every possible way you can. The more you give, the more your purpose will resonate. Giving is the ideal way to feed and care for your self-worth.
- Most important: Don’t waste your time comparing yourself to others. Your writer’s journey is not a competition. It’s about you and no one else.
Don’t stand in your own way.
Have a great June, y’all. Hope to see you back here on July 2!
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VR BARKOWSKI 
This is a great post, VR. Have you read Coehlo’s The Alchemist. It’s got the best advice on self-sabotage ever. I hope you achieve much in your blog break.
Denise
Thank you, Denise. And how strange you’d mention The Alchemist. It’s been on my TBR list forever. I even owned a copy that I had to leave behind when I moved from Atlanta. Just yesterday, I put it on hold at the library.
Funny, this complements my post for IWSG for the month. Once I started being honest with myself about my own self-sabotage, my day-job writing really took off. It’s brutal to face the music, but the rewards far outweigh the discomfort.
I’m guilty of all the self-sabotage behaviors with the exception of missing a deadline, so I unfortunately speak from experience. I truly am a writer in progress. 🙂
You’re right: we should be our best friend not our worst enemy. What we listen to becomes part of who we are — so since we listen to our thoughts all the time, we should focus on being positive about our dreams, right?
I will miss you the rest of this June. What with more surgeries, trying to work at the same time, plus writing my new novel — time is surely limited for me, too! I understand the blog break.
I don’t know how you manage all you do, Roland. I can barely handle a weekly blog and writing. I wish you well with your surgeries. I will be stopping by your blog occasionally to check on you.
I don’t think I’m guilty of self-sabotage, (much!) but I’ll confess to indulging in the first and last items on your list. I think most of us are occasionally waylaid by procrastination, and as long as it remains occasional and not the norm, we aren’t in too much trouble. And the whole unease about one’s life’s accomplishments is fairly SOP, too, especially as we hobble over the threshhold to old age. A little introspection is good for the soul, as long as we don’t use it as an excuse to stop trying to accomplish anything with whatever time we have left.
I LIVE that image on this post. Too cool.
Here’s to a fun and productive blog break. Seeya next month. So to speak…
So true, Susan. I don’t know anyone (nor do I want to know anyone) who hasn’t procrastinated on occasion, and none of us feel fulfilled 100% of the time—oh, if only it were a possibility!
Isn’t that a great photo? I could probably cut my blogging time in half if I didn’t spend so much time scoping out pics on flickr.
Another great post! I have done every single thing on your self-sabotage list–yikes! I will miss you in June, but you know what they say–quality over quantity, and you are quality all the way. Good luck with your writing projects!
Aww, thanks Holli. I’m ashamed to say I’ve done everything on the list, too. I’m even more ashamed to say, I STILL occasionally do some of those things.
Have to get out of our own way sometimes indeed. None of that at my sea, I may be lazy some days but that is just normal lol
Ha! True, Pat. There is a difference between a procrastinator and someone who is laid back.
Only guilty of procrastination. Like it’s already 1 p.m., and I’ve only washed the kitchen floor, a chore I’ve put off for an embarrassingly long time. Going to work now. Really, I am.
I still procrastinate, Polly. If it isn’t email or Facebook, there’s always next week’s blog post to work on. Oh, and look there! My kitchen floor is a little sticky—can’t have that.
Great post. Best wishes for a summer full of writing.
Thanks, Diane. Wishing you both a full recovery and the best of luck with your book!
Great tips…I’m guilty of procrastination but once I start, I’m okay. Doing catch up stuff this week and this weekend I start 30 days of 3-4k a day on my next novel. 😉
D.B. McNicol
Romance & Mystery…writing my life
Wow, Donna. I consider 1k a good day. And just like that I’m comparing myself to another writer and throwing in some negative self-talk about what a slug I am. See how easy it is? 🙂
I am incredibly guilty of self-sabotage. I’m trying to correct the problem, however.
Enjoy your blogging break!
Thanks, M.J. I’m looking forward to writing many, many words.
Fabulous stuff here! I think my self-sabotage strategy is that I dive into new stuff so I have an excuse for not selling the OLD stuff. I have 4 manuscripts ALMOST ready, but I dread querying, so I keep myself busy on the other things…
Man, do I get that, Hart. I’d do almost anything to avoid querying. What a soul-sucking process! Ok, that wasn’t exactly encouraging, was it? Sorry. It just slipped out … but it’s true.
Be bold. Accept disappointment as the other side of the coin of dreaming. Get those ms out there Hart. Rejection is a part of the game. I wrote 61 query letters for my second novel until I finally found a publisher. Querying isn’t fun but can be exciting.(if you like rollercoasters) Are your ms good to go? They send them. Be brave.
This is really good advice, especially not comparing yourself to others. TFS!
http://lucindawhitney.com/
Thanks for stopping by, Cindy!
Thanks for the wonderful advice. Very empowering post!
Writer In Transit
Thanks, Michelle, and thank you for visiting!
Have a good blog break. Good luck with the writing.
I have those issues. I need to believe that I can do it. I think that’s the first step.
That’s the hard part, isn’t it? Sometimes we go straight from not quite believing we can do it to not believing we’ve actually done it.
Great advice. It’s also advice I need to use for a few non-writing things.
True, Patricia. Self-sabotage can rear its ugly head in all sorts of pursuits.
SO TRUE and PERFECTLY said, Vi…
Lord only knows I’m guilty of a few of these. But you are so right in taking care of yourself. Being kinder. And GIVING BACK…. Giving makes our heart sing and brings joy to ourselves and others….
Have a wonderful hiatus. Happy writing!
I’m guilty, too, Michael. That’s why I figured I was qualified to write this post. 🙂
I like that you’re talking about self-sabotage. Writers rarely focus on it, but it’s true. People can get in their own way and not even realize it.
Very true, Theresa. I’ve been known to use artificially imposed deadlines to avoid certain tasks. I did that a lot while I was querying. Embarrassing.
What? I have to wait a month for some more wisdom from you VR? 😦 I was asked recently about my WIP, after sharing the blurb, what makes it different? What makes my novel stand out? I said “Me.”
Good answer, David!
Yeah it’s a sad fact of life that often we are the ones who cripple ourselves by the way we think about things.
I hope you have a productive time away. 🙂
Thanks, Misha. I hope so, too!
I believe I have done all of those things you listed at least once during my writing journey. Or more than once for a few of them. Thank you for telling us how we can counteract self-sabotage. I definitely remind myself of several of those.
I’m guilty of all most all of them, Chrys. Anything that doesn’t involve a deadline is fair game. 🙂 Thanks so much for stopping by!
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