The Purpose of IWSG is to share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds!
To join IWSG visit Ninja Captain Alex J. Cavanaugh here.
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We’ve all heard the platitudes:
- Don’t worry so much.
- Believe in yourself.
- Don’t be discouraged.
- Be happy.
- Don’t take it personally.
This advice usually comes from friends or family who care and wish us only the best. They see our suffering and want to ease the burden. Their hearts are undoubtedly in the right place, and we love them all the more for their efforts, but often these words of support make us feel worse rather than better. They are a burden. Another way for us to fail.
Alex PE/Flickrcc
Certainly, if we had the choice, we’d all be hopeful, secure, worry-free, happy, and immune to negative feedback. But that’s not the way human beings—particularly writers—work.
I, for one, can’t do happy on command. Oh, but if I could! Wouldn’t it be grand if being told to be happy made it so? If being counseled not to worry vanquished anxiety?
Take loved ones’ advice in the generous spirit it’s offered rather than to heart. Don’t let the support of those near and dear be an additional weight crushing your fragile ego.
The next time you read a bad review or receive negative feedback, and someone important tells you not to worry or take it personally, don’t stress. Remember what they’re really saying is don’t give up.
And don’t give up, fellow IWSG’ers, is advice live and write by.
JULY 6TH QUESTION: What’s the best thing someone has ever said about your writing?
A year after winning a story competition, one of the judges wrote me to say my submission from the previous year was far better than any of the current year’s entries. That he’d been hooked by the second paragraph. I felt as if I’d won two years in a row.
VR BARKOWSKI 
I too find well-meaning platitudes counterproductive. Telling a person to not take something personally just makes them feel guilty for having unacceptable emotions. By the way, I like your term “happy on command.” I use “forced merriment.”
Well said, Elizabeth. I feel the same way.
Wow – that’s a GREAT compliment!
Love the pic too – happy on command sounds like a great title for a new book!
Isn’t the pic great, Jemi? I had all these cutesy choices, and I saw this and knew it was the one.
Great compliment to you, V.R. That’s enough to make anyone’s day.
As far as reviews, I know a few people are buying my books, but they aren’t writing reviews like they used to. Maybe my words will remain forever as clutter in their Kindles.
No platitudes from anyone in my life, so I can’t complain. Maybe because my writing life is so insular that I have no one to piss and moan to when I feel like it, which I have to admit isn’t often. The small group of writing friends I have support each other, and my family–none of them–read my books. Probably dodged a bullet there. My biggest critic is me.
reads my books. Too early.
I, too, am my biggest critic, Polly. While I really appreciate constructive criticism, it’s hard to come by and seldom delivered in the form of reader reviews. I just read a GalleyCat piece on how 3-star reviews hurt book sales. I’ve always given solid (but average) reads 3-stars. Now I feel guilty.
Yeah, most anything like that people say I just roll my eyes. Like saying it is magically going to make it come true lol maybe if life were a Disney movie.
Ah, Pat… wouldn’t it be awesome if it were that easy to fix life’s problems? Alas…no.
That’s an awesome compliment from the judge!
I agree that we can’t “do happy” on command.
I’ve found that finding stuff to be thankful for works best for improving my mood – although in certain circumstances, that’s a tough one too.
Absolutely, Tyrean. Gratitude is a spectacular mood enhancer.
Jemi is right: “Happy On Command” would make a fine book tittle. And that was an awesome compliment.
Thanks, Roland. I thought it was really nice the judge took the time to write. He’d probably be horrified if he knew how many times I reread his email.
Excellent post. I need to remember that support group pushing me forward. 🙂
Anna from elements of emaginette
We all need support, Anna. We’re lucky to have those folks in our lives even if they sometimes say the wrong thing. 🙂
HI, VI…
Now that’s a GREAT compliment….I would feel the same way, too….
How are you? I hope all is well in your charming world.
Hey, Michael! Everything’s great here, hope all is well with you. Are you in Orlando now? How’s the new condo?
Don’t give up – is golden advice for sure:) And family and friends are huge in terms of support:)
Don’t give up is powerful advice, Mark. While there’s a difference between giving up and walking away, we mustn’t ever give up on what we truly really want.
Wow, that was great praise. Congrats
I don’t have much support by the people in my face to face daily life, but the online friends and community are great.
I have learned to keep my writing joy to myself unless I want it crushed. Since I accepted that it has so much better, don’t fight what you cannot change or control but you do not have to put yourself out there to be knocked down, especially would you know that is the most likely outcome from experience.
Great post, Happy IWSG Day
Juneta @ Writer’s Gambit
Focusing on what you can control is the best advice ever, Juneta. I always tell writers just starting out that there’s a lot more to getting published than just writing. But because writing is the only piece of the puzzle we, as authors, can control, that’s where we need to turn our efforts.
Very good point. Sometimes those comments can seem like a brushoff, as in “Don’t whine; I can’t be bothered to listen.” Usually, when I’m down in the writing dumps, I only share with other writerly friends who’ve been there and can relate.
That has eased a lot of frustration, and taken the pressure off well-meaning friends.
It’s essential to have a writerly support system. I think it’s often hard for non-writers to understand there’s more to this gig than putting words on the page.
That editor paid you an awesome compliment. Not only should you keep re-reading that email, you should print it out and hang it on the wall beside your desk. Talk about a positive boost whenever those self-doubts try to get in your way.
It’s pretty near impossible to respond with happy feelings on demand, but if I’m NOT feeling on top of the world, I fake it ’til I feel it.
Smart lady. Hasn’t it been proven that simply going through the motions of happiness can elevate one’s mood? I believe that 100%, but I don’t want help. If someone comes along and tells me to be happy, I’m likely to do just the opposite. 🙂
I love your header photo. It’s broody and moody – exactly right. I’m pretty sure it’s new since I was here last. Or I was too consumed in my own thoughts to notice.
The comment you received from that judge was well deserved, my friend.
Thanks, Carol. I changed the header recently to reflect the setting of my latest novel. At the time, I thought I was nearly finished editing. Hahaha! Silly me!
How cool the judge wrote you a year later with that!
Yes, sometimes the most well-meaning comments are like twisting the knife.
True, Holly. Telling an individual not to worry or to believe in themselves can add one more obligation he or she may not be able to live up to.
What a wonderful compliment from the editor. I’m sure it was true. Yes, it’d be nice to follow the ‘be happy’ commands, but we have to feel it in our gut. Have a great month VR!
Thanks, Denise. You too!
Oh, I so hated that song “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”. As if it was that easy. When you’re in that funk, no amount of platitudes can help.
What a lovely compliment.
That song really got on my nerves, Liz. Made it the perfect title for this post.
It’s in my genes to worry! 🙂 And smile. I’m good at playing the role. But yes that song is irritating as are some of the newer ones today But that aside, writing is a joy, the rest of it not so much, you know waiting for reviews, pushing for sales, and getting the word out without mentioning the book! A tale of ups and downs that only another writer understands!
Love the compliment! That’s one to bring those smiles no matter what! 🙂
Keep writing!
Exactly, Yolanda. Whenever I’m really feeling down about how things are going writerly-wise, I think how fortunate I am to have this opportunity to do something I love.
Really loving that “Be Happy” pic, lol. Yes, that’s how I feel sometimes when my support system is being “supportive.” I don’t want to “go home and draw bunnies!” I want to kill something.
Like, characters that my readers might be invested in . . . .
Isn’t it a great pic? The number of annoying images that come up when you type “be happy” is mind-boggling. I grabbed this one as soon as I saw it.
That’s an awesome compliment, V.R!
I’ve read a snippet of your writing (I think you posted on Facebook?) and have to say I was captivated by your prose.
Great post title…now that song is ringing in my head. 🙂
Oh, and the header caught my eye too…really atmospheric…
Writer In Transit
Thanks for the kind words, Michelle! Whether you like the song or not, it definitely has earworm qualities. It’s been going through my head ever since I posted this. 🙂
Wow. Congrats that he made the effort to contact you. Great post and something to remember to not take to heart.
Thanks for the kind words, Lidy, and thanks for visiting!
That is an incredible compliment! It really shows that you made an impression!
It was, Loni. Still makes me smile to read the email. 🙂